they said they needed photographic evidence...

so here it is:

#1--that i can throw a dang sweet party.

#2--that i do not always let the weather keep me from going to school.

#3--that a tree really did fall on my friend's car and that was why i was late

#4--i really did hang out with an elephant

#5--that i did buy every single bouquet of flowers at harmons

 #6--that i learned how to take selfies from my cousin!

#7--that i LOVE flowers!!

#8--that Carter is HOME!!!

#9--that i have been to space. and i did single-handedly save the world...

....and still had time for dinner after.

#10--I DO EXERCISE!! hahaha

#11--and i DO accomplish a lot in a day

#12--that there are bags of popcorn at the Costco in St. George that are longer than my arm

#13--haha and why yes there was a bachelorette party!

 

#14--ya, i chopped all my hair off

and i LOVE it

#15--that sportz dogs does come to OHS baseball games

#15--and i do go grocery shopping...sometimes 

#16--that i have the best job working with the most amazing woman! 

and we play until we are too tired to stand

#17--and i really have known this character since jr. high. we have yearbook evidence.

i am so blessed.
i live in a beautiful house
on a beautiful street
in a beautiful world.

i am 100% completely surrounded by people who love me.
--a mother who will sit on the bathroom floor with me while i cry.
--a father who will send my pictures of sentimental cloud formations
  and "Icelandic" words of wisdom.
--friends who show up at my door when they know i have had a hard day
  despite the fact that i told them i was going to bed and wanted to be alone
  so that they can stay with me all through the night (literally)
  and rematch my favorite Joseph scenes and hold my hand and feed me ice cream
  because they know being alone is the last thing in the world i should do.
--a roommate who hears the side conversations and leaves the best gifts
  who writes the best letters and bucket lists
  and who does not even laugh when the ice cream machine at sammies is broken
  so i eat a plumb instead.
--and so many other people who understand different parts of me
  so that at the end of the day i feel like everything is covered.
  and everything is accepted. and everything is loved.









i am in awe of where my life has lead me.
and i am overwhelmingly grateful.

-C

lately

lately.
as of late.
life keeps happening.

and i find myself having
a lot of deep conversations
....with myself....
and want to share them
with someone else
but how do you go about that?

how do you explain the thoughts that
are really going through your head
as Duke gets dominated
and everyone around you cares more about
March Madness
but you can't stop thinking about the story of
a young woman in the book you just read
who was sold at the age of nine to a
brothel in Napal
and spent the next seven years locked in a room
with no hope, and no chance of escape.
only to contract HIV/AIDS
and die at the age of 22--my age
as a single mother of four daughters
who will continue to live, and work, in that brothel.

How do you adequately explain your
thoughts and fears about your own life
when your best friend
just told you the story of her life
the truth.
and you know it outweighs yours
yet it still brought back memories
of later than intended nights
and not so unnecessary conversations
and the back seat of once familiar cars
and all those "in the moment" moments
you've kept hidden deep inside of you.
but they haunt you nonetheless
and cause you to do crazy outlandish things
occasionally, like chop off all your hair
and or get your ears pierced
(except that hasn't happened yet)

how do you put into words
the heartache
of having someone you love
forget who you are

how do you make someone understand
the complexity of emotions you feel
when you find out the person you once thought
you'd get to spend forever with
found someone else to spend forever with.
that you can be happy and sad for them
but not heartbroken.
>>happy because you love them
and you can be excited for people you love
sad because sometimes life works out
for the liar, the cheater
and not for those of us who get hurt.
(and that seems unfair.)
and not heartbroken
because why would you waste another moment of
your life aching over someone
who caused you more pain when they were committed
than they ever deserve to know they caused when they were not<<
and that even though you cried for a minute
you really are completely fine.

how do you let someone know
you love them
without falling in love with them.
how do you thank them for doing things
that touch you so deeply and personally
without sounding silly
or ungrateful.
because you cannot get those words out.
is silence more powerful?
should you hide tears or let them go?

i've just been wondering.

Mr. & Mrs. Mella

I cannot wait to get all the real pictures back!
but here are a few from this perfect day!
It really was perfect.
my beautiful sister is married!
to a pretty dang good looking young man!
I could not be happier

also, I apologize for mass-publishing all my blog posts at once. I have had a CRAZY last few weeks and I really have been trying to keep up with everything. I realize how un-applicable some of the things I say are--if you read them from this date on--now that it is a few days/weeks/months/years after the math but I still want them documented here. so deal with it mom.