standing at the crossroads

You see that picture? That girl standing at the crossroads? Well that's me. On my way home from work today, my sister and I decided to take the long way home from park city, up and over the mountain. We stopped to take a picture at this sign because everything was so beautiful. And since we were raised in a family that believes someone should always be in a picture I jumped out of the car and shyly smiled....it wasn't until later--much much later--that I realized how (pathetic, symbolic, meaningful, truthful, real, sad, accurate) this picture really is.

I feel like I am at a crossroads-esque point in my life.

You know that whole "sometimes you just have to make a decision and go with it" thing that we have been told our entire lives? Well, I did that. I made a decision, prayed about it, put my whole heart into the "going forward with faith" thing feeling confident that things would turn out alright. But I guess it was a loop trail--really pretty scenery that you are extremely grateful you saw, but you end up where you started feeling like you haven't come far at all.

Ok, that is not exactly true. I feel like I have come pretty far. I may be back where I started but at least I have a new perspective right? I'm approaching it from a new direction?

So what do you do when you come to a crossroad? Let's look at it from a "oh you're a Cook and your family hikes a lot" perspective. First things first, you don't turn around and go back in the direction you came from. At least, not until you reach your destination. You choose a new direction or keep going in your same general direction and you continue forward. Sometimes there will be dead ends, sometimes there will be new crossroads, and sometimes there will be other paths that cross our path. We can deal with those as we go. Sometimes old trails link up with new trails and you end up going where you originally planned. Sometimes fallen trees or bad weather keep you from going certain directions. But think of it this way, these paths are there for a reason and they lead somewhere. If you keep putting one foot in front of the other then you just might end up someplace spectacular (isn't it funny how after a long hard hike, the thing you are hiking too seems even cooler than you expected because of how long and hard the trip was?).

Another thing about trails. There are usually maps. However, they don't do you very much good if you don't know how to use one (or if you don't use one at all). My family often tries the "don't use a map" route. Sometimes this works out. Sometimes it doesn't. But I always feel safer knowing exactly where I am going, how long it will take to get there, and what I will need to be able to survive the adventure. (I don't travel easy with my family). Some crossroads, like this, help those of us without maps to know where each direction will lead you. This is really helpful. Especially when you realize that there really is no wrong way to go. There is just a good, a better, and a best way to go. These signs don't tell you which one that is because it's subject to change with each on-comer. Use your judgement. It won't take you long to figure out if you chose the wrong direction.

Bring water, use sunscreen, where appropriate clothing, and know basic first aid including how to de=tick yourself and anyone else you are sharing the trail with. This is the wild and crazy things happen out there in the wilds.

Real life application? (Is it really so hard to figure out? apply it as you will)

My point is, life is a mess of trails. And we are set loose to start winding our way along them. Thankfully for me, the gospel has given me a destination as well as instructions and a map of how to get there. but due to circumstances--some in and some out of my control--the instructions are not always clear and I do not always think I need a map. I get lost. Just like everybody else. Eventually I know I'm going to find my way back to that main trail--that straight and narrow path--and that is all that matters. I just have to figure out which path is going to do that in the best way possible.

At the moment, I don't know what that is. This is scary and frustrating for me. I feel like I am lost, like I do not know which way I am suppose to go. I feel like everything I was sure about has been ripped out from underneath me. But that's ok. I have had so many incredible experiences that have brought me closer to my Savior and Father in Heaven because of this. I know that they are there and that they want me to be happy. I know they have a plan. I have a plan. They see a more complete picture than I do. I have to have faith in this. I cannot give up hope. Patience has never been my strongest virtue but I know that I have to be patient. But I also know I have to pick another direction to go in--work towards something. So I did that. So far things are not looking as good as I hoped but I know what I know and I am what I am and because of this I CANNOT FAIL!

To go along with the whole road/path/direction/wandering theme of this post, HERE are two talks my mom had me read today (walking in circles by President Uchtdorf and move forward with faith by Elder Nielson). She thinks I'm going around in circles. I beg to differ. (At least I am trying my hardest not to be so counter-productive) But something about both of them hit hard.

On a happier note, here are a few pictures of my incredible weekend, including today: Lake Powell, my best friend's farewell, and a day spent working/driving/eating snowcones/running/visiting sundance/eating sushi with my sissy.