This is THE most important thing

I have something I want to say. Even though I am sure that my words will never reach those they are directed towards! I need to sort out the jumble of thoughts I have had about it the last few months due to the conflicting opinions and snippets of advice I have been given from those I work with and live with and love dearly.

And I understand where they are coming from! I really do. If I were raised by the world I would feel the same way, and to a certain extent I am all for their way of doing things, but I feel so sick and so pressured in to living my life one way or another that I am putting my foot down. Enough is enough. I can't let the opinions of others, no matter how strong or persuasive they are, no matter how influential or successful or knowing they may be, cloud my eternal perspective and confuse everything I personally believe in. 

It's a heated topic in todays world so if you haven't figured out what I am talking about yet I will sum it up with one word: marriage. 

It was not until recently that I have really thought about marriage. Like, REALLY thought about and what it means to me. It wasn't until this summer that I realized that my beliefs and opinions of marriage are crazy in the eyes of the rest of the world. But after a solid two and a half months of being told every day not to get married until I at least have my PhD and to only marry someone at least ten years older than me who is already rich and successful and preferably famous, that it is easier to marry money first and fall in love later, that there is no way in "heck" you will stay in love with the person you marry in your twenties when you get to your thirties, and so on and so forth that I have finally discovered exactly what I think about getting married at this point in my life. And this is what I have discovered: 

“Marriage. . . is the most glorious and most exalting principle of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  No ordinance is of more importance and none more sacred and more necessary to the eternal joy of man.  Faithfulness to the marriage covenant brings the fullest joy here and glorious rewards hereafter.” (The Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson [1988], 533–34)

Marriage is the foundry for social order, the fountain of virtue, and the foundation for eternal exaltation. Marriage has been divinely designated as an eternal and everlasting covenant. Marriage is sanctified when it is cherished and honored in holiness. That union is not merely between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God. (Elder Nelson “Nurturing Marriage,” Ensign, May 2006, 36)

In the last week I have been told that I am better than or above marriage, that getting married will ruin me, that if I get married I will end up dropping out of school and becoming a "house wife" (which was said with disgust), and that the future benefits of the job I currently have will depend on whether or not I get married (meaning they will go away if I do and increase if I don't). I have been laughed at for having the desire to be a mom, have been told that anyone who has more than two children is selfish, and that I'd be stupid to even consider having kids before I was 35. But my personal favorite was when I had a guy promise me, swear in the name of God, that if I got married now I would live a life carved from hell, end up getting a messy divorced, and have to start my life all over. Wow. 

My heart is broken! How is it that the family has become such an unimportant and even impeding part of our society? Every day the conversation becomes more heated and digs a deeper pit in my stomach. It has gotten to a point where my prayers are completely consumed with the topic of marriage and which voices to listen to and whose opinions will, in all reality, be best for me. But then I open my eyes and think about it and I just want to cry. Because marriage is everything that I want! Being a wife and a mother--that's all I've ever hoped for and dreamed about. I have no greater desire than to be that so looked down upon "house wife." I want kids and a dog and a house with a wrap-around porch. I want Fisher Price toys to trip over and 4-18 extra loads of laundry to do on Saturdays and little peanut butter and jelly hands to wash. Gosh, I even want the mini van with the soccer mom sticker and the endless PTA fliers coming home in my little pony and batman folders all marked up with crayon scribbles and "way to go" stamps! I can't wait for that! I can't wait to go to the temple and be sealed for time and all eternity to my sweetheart! Because I know, I KNOW, that I can be! 

So here is what I want to say. And I am sorry if it offends you. To those who believe that marriage will just be a road block in my way: Shut. Up. 

Seriously, shut up. Keep your opinions to yourself. I have heard them and I know and respect them but do not need to adhere to or agree with them. You don't need to repeat yourself. and you don't need to worry about me. My decision will be made with the help of a loving Heavenly Father whose plan of happiness revolves around the family and who is begging us not to postpone or procrastinate something so necessary and so central to his gospel. Please understand that I am a daughter of God and that I know him personally! I know that he loves me. I know that He wants me to be happy. You are right, I have a gift. I am smart and I have the potential to change the world. But I couldn't change the world more than through the difference I am destined to make within the walls of my own home with my husband and children and those with whom we associate. I am who I am because I believe what I believe. 

I believe in the power of family and motherhood. To me, this is THE most important thing! If I have to give up my education, my financial earnings, my comfortable life, etc in order to become a wife and mother then so be it! I will! I see no greater good that a girl can do. 

So today, I am taking comfort in quotes like this: 

If you choose wisely and if you are committed to the success of your marriage, there is nothing in this life which will bring you greater happiness.--Thomas S. Monson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

They are helping me stand up in my mind and in my heart for the one thing I want more than life itself--a ring on my finger, a Wiggles CD in my car, and a sealing covenant that will allow me to be with my family forever. I echo the words of this anonymous blogger whose comment has really touched me: 

The family is ordained of God and marriage between a man and woman are essential for His eternal plan. God has given us families on this earth for many reasons, one is so that we may receive many of the richest sources of happiness while we are here. Another is so that we can have the opportunity to provide physical bodies for each of Gods spirit children. We are responsible to teach our children the truth and to raise them in righteousness. Marriage is sacred and beautiful and therefore the powers of procreation should only be employed within marriage. I know with all my heart that these things are true and that although the standards of the world might be changing, Gods laws do not change and I will proudly stand as a witness of these truths.

And I will!

-C

If you don't agree, read this: The Proclamation to the World

the funny thing

funny how you can find yourself sitting in a classroom, a week and a day in to school, listening to a professor go off about the six dimensions of public health and think a funny thought like this:

"the boy sitting in front of me right now used to sit in front of me every day in AP US history my junior year in high school. and every day he would lean back as if he were stretching to purposely smack me in the face with his fist"

and suddenly he leans back as if stretching and smacks me in the face. with his fist. some people never change.

I guess I'm still trying to get into a style and schedule with this blog (thus, it is not open for the world to see yet). I just want to discover a rhythm, find a comfort zone that fits me and the direction I want to take in this wor(l)d of mine. because of this, I have not been very good at blogging. However, I guess you could say I have had some "sense knocked in to me" in the last few seconds (thank you high school friend--love still having classes with you, five years later) and so I have a renewed determination to, once again, attempt to making something of my writing skills on the world-wide-web.

I should probably start by thanking everyone, including my Heavenly Father, for the incredible summer I just had. boy was it full of adventure and craziness and fun. it was also full of some heartache and upset stomaches and hospital visits but for the most part it was a heck of a good time.

I survived my time back east--had an incredible time with some incredible people. learned more about life and about myself than I ever thought possible. and got the chance to stand for something, to be someone amazing and worthwhile, and to completely lose myself in the service of others. everyone should get a chance like that. (and, everyone should get to ride across the country in a private jet at least once in their lifetime as well. check that off the bucket list)

I spent a glorious few days in lake powell and had a splended time there with some of the best people I know:

my best friend got engaged!!

Carly left for her adventure in ecuador! SOOOO excited for her!

my family attempted--on request of my grandma for the last ten years straight for her one and only christmas present--to take family pictures. we re-recognized that this is not our forte and will most likely not attempt it again until another decade surpasses, but it was still fun. my parents are pretty cute (#highschoolsweethearts) and my siblings, although non-photogenic, are the silliest human beings alive and I love them!!! when I get the group shots I will try and share a little more about my incredible family. I am truly so blessed!

But that's it for now! 

C